Title comes onto screen with Ams playing “Bella’s Lullaby” in the background. Credits. Screen goes black then comes onto scene with Bella eating breakfast with Charlie. Music dims.)
Charlie: Are you excited for school Bella?
Bella: No. (automatically)
Charlie: Oh. (pause) What about the boys?
Bella: No.
Charlie: Oh. (pause) What about-
Bella: Dad, I’m not excited for school in anyway.
Charlie: Oh. (pause) Well- (a phone rings and he pulls out a black slim cell phone) Hello? (ringing continues) Hello? HELLO!!!! (Bella pulls out a flashing pink cell phone covered in rhinestones)
Bella: (in bored tone) Dad, it’s this one.
Charlie: Oh (takes the phone) Hello? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Huh! I’ll be right there! (puts down the phone and then rips off his shirt to reveal a superman costume.) Ok honey, don’t forget you backpack, brush your teeth, get dressed, there’s cookies in your lunch, don’t forget your truck-
Bella: (groan) Dad, I’ve done this before.
Charlie: Oh, right. Forgot. Short term memory loss. Well, duty calls. (stomps feet and stretches hands out. Nothing happens. Charlie clears his throat) Duty calls. (stomp feet again. Nothing happens.) I think my boots are broken. Well, guess I’ll have to walk. (slouches off)
Bella: (sighs) There he goes again. (Blackout)
Scene two
(Bella enters school. Everyone stares at her for ten seconds then go back to conversations. Bella walks to her locker. Camera goes to Edward. Camera to his feet. Slowly zooms out.. Image: a little rubber devil with an Ipod and speakers playing Phantom of the Opera music)
Edward: Oh, sorry. (turns music off. Puts speakers down and takes out a stick/fork. A fat boy walks by and Edward grabs his pants to smell them.) Phew! (plugs his nose and turns away. Come over to his locker which is right next to Bella’s and puts his stick down next to her feet. Tries to reach locker but cant. Picks up stick and slowly looks up to Bella. Bella looks down. Edward sniffs loudly and slaps hand over mouth.)
Edward: (quietly) Don’t eat her, don’t eat her, don’t eat her. (He looks down at her legs and grabs her pants and starts to sniff but Bella slaps him away and runs off screaming. Edward shrugs and starts poking his locker with his stick again.)
Scene three
(Cullens sitting at lunch table with only their eyes and foreheads showing. Bella and friends sitting at separate lunch table. Bella is staring at Edward.)
Bella: He is the most beautiful boy I’ve ever seen!
Jessica: I know! Isn’t he? That’s Edward Cullen! He’s gorgeous of course but, don’t waste your time on him! He doesn’t date. (While she is talking she is putting lip-gloss on. She always does this. 24/7)
Bella: Really? Neither do I! We should go out sometime!
Jessica: Wait! You . . . me . . . out?
Bella: (dreamily) No! Me and Edward! (Jessica waves a hand in her face but she doesn’t respond)
Bella: Anyway, what were you saying? (Jessica roles her eyes)
Scene four
(Biology Class)
(Bella walks into class)
Bella: Hi, I’m the new kid.
Teacher: Okay. Sit right there. (Points to the neighboring desk of Edward’s. Bella sits down. Edward stares blankly ahead and starts making mewing noises. Bella looks at him in bewilderment. The girl behind her pokes her)
Girl #1: Don’t mind him. He does this every day.
Bella: What is he doing?
Girl #1: He’s experimenting with his voice.
Edward: AAAAAHH! (cuts short. Looks at Bella. Then continues) AAAAAHHHH!!!!!
Bella: How does he do that?
Edward: My voice hasn’t matured yet. AAAAHHHH!!!!!! (cuts short again and pulls out his pitchfork, puts some chocolate on it and offers some o Bella)
Edward: (high pitched) Want some?
Bella: (thinks for a moment) I’m on a fat free diet. (Edward pulls it off and puts on another one that says FAT FREE and pushes it toward Bella)
Bella: I’m allergic. (Edward shrugs, unwraps the wrapper and sticks it in his mouth. You hear a popping sound and Edward’s face is blown out and pink)
Bella: *gasp*
Edward: I forgot. I’m allergic too. (You hear a sound like a balloon letting the air out and Edward’s face deflates. He rips off the skin) Sorry, I shed a lot.
(Bella turns her attention back to her paper. Edward starts to look desperate. He looks around and finds a shiny pencil on the floor. He picks it up and stretches out his hand and waves it in her face)
Bella: No thanks.
(Edward looks mad and stands up - which help improve his height – when right at that moment, Frankenstein runs in with a doll in hand.)
Frank: (yelling) ITS ALIVE!!!!!!!!!!!! IT’S ALIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (He shakes Bella and yells it again and then leaves. Everybody acts as if nothing happened. Edward grabs Bella by the hand and pulls her out the door they go down the hallway. And he stops at the door, says some fumble jumble and opens the door onto an eerie black lake. He and Bella get into a boat.)
Edward: You will row. I will supervise. (Edward starts jumping up and down up and down) Are we moving? Faster! Fine, I’m turning on the motor. AAAAAAAAAA!!! Too fast! (They arrive and get out. They walk up to a door and this time Bella opens it)
Scene five
(6 devils on knees in praying motion up and down saying)
6 Devils: Praise the stick! (Bella stares at them for a while and than looks down at Edward)
Edward: Rubber Devil Religion (gesturing at the devils. Bella starts to feel comfortable and toes into the kitchen, grabs some cereal and a bowl and some milk)
Bella: Now, where are the spoons? (Opens a cupboard filled with forks and knives. Edward walks in looking bored) Good thing I carry an extra spoon!
Edward: *gasp* IT’S A SPOON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Whole family comes running in and gasps too. Bella looks at the spoon and sees her advantage)
Bella: Back off or I’ll kill you all! (Evil laugh. Edward comes up and slaps the spoon out of her hand and drags her outside. Black out!)
Scene six
Cammii, I love this!!!!!!!!!! Its totally hilarious!!!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDelete